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Beware the Mental Basement
21 July 2015
Allison read The Wrong Place and Time to Have a Money Conversation by Carl Richards and found his wisdom to be useful for any potentially difficult conversation.
Tags: allison read, communication, conflict
When you're tired, overworked, sick, stressed, worried about something on the horizon, or someone who frustrates you has done that frustrating thing (again), you may find yourself in the mental basement. Carl Richards described this dark and shadowy part of your brain in his article The Wrong Place and Time to Have a Money Conversation. “When we’re in a bad place mentally or emotionally, we engage in what some people call basement thinking. Every little comment feels like a personal attack. We can only see the obstacles in front of us, and not the potential solutions in between. We also default to shaming and blaming the people around us for how we’re acting.”
Richard’s article was in the Your Money section of The New York Times last month and was focused on warning his readers about when not to have a difficult conversation about money with a significant other. In fact, he actually tells a personal story about a conversation he had with his wife when he was in his own mental basement.
However, I’ll be recommending this article to anyone who has an upcoming difficult conversation whether it’s money related or not. It’s important to notice when you're in the mental basement so that you can set yourself up for success. “In these low moments, we feel constricted, like we can’t breathe. We take things personally. We use words that feel like daggers to the other person. Nothing good comes from conversations when we’re in a bad place.” With some self-awareness you can delay the conversation until you’re feeling better and possibly even find a way to share with the other person what’s triggered your trip to the basement.
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