What We're Reading Now

Find the Quiet

18 December 2012

Allison read Tim Kreider’s The Quiet Ones from the 18 November 2012 issue of The New York Times and paused to honor the Amtrak Quiet Car and the importance of embracing silence.

Tags: allison read, balance, communication, leadership

If you’ve ever ridden Amtrak, then you might know about the joy that is the Quiet Car. Passengers should only have subdued and limited conversations, no cell phone calls, and even with headphones on, the music and movie volume should be low enough that no one else can hear. All these guidelines from the Amtrak web site are in support of this goal, “…providing a peaceful, quiet atmosphere for passengers who want to work or rest without distraction.” I’ve had some lovely naps in the Quiet Car and remember fondly how easy it was to write one of my favorite blog posts about the Dave Matthew’s Band song, Mercy, on the train from Milwaukee to Chicago.

Last month, Tim Kreider wrote an op-ed for The New York Times called The Quiet Ones. He describes the Quiet Car in all its glory as well as a recent experience when a couple ignored the rules and was eventually confronted by fellow passengers. They truly seemed mystified to discover that their constant conversation was troublesome to others and this realization led Kreider to opine about how we seem to have lost our ability to be and enjoy the quiet.

Libraries now have quiet areas when once upon a time the whole library was supposed to be quiet. Elevators, airports, cabs, restrooms and more have music playing or a TV blaring. I've even been to a doctor’s office where both a TV and Muzak were playing at the same time. People have conversations on their cell phones in loud voices about topics you really wonder if you should know about and “Respecting shared public space is becoming as quaintly archaic as tipping your hat to a lady.” Kreider concludes with his suspicion that part of the problem may be related to how people, “…spend so much time in solipsist’s paradise of the Internet they carry its illusion of invisible (and inaudible) omniscience back with them out into the real world."

Now Kreider is a bit more stirred up about this than I am (he is an op-ed writer after all), but I did pause when I read his piece for three reasons. First, I think it’s a good idea for all of us to assess our own tendencies to disrespect shared public space. If we had a bit more awareness about this habit, things might quiet down just a little for all of us. Second, listening is the single most important thing you can do as a leader. You can’t be a supportive active listener unless you’re willing to get quiet and that’s easier said than done.

Third, I think Kreider is onto something when he says we seem, “...unable to bear an undistracted instant in (our) own company.” Our former Mayor and current Executive Director of The Charlottesville Institute, Dave Norris, posted on Facebook his two main takeaways and a call to action after His Holiness The Dalai Lama’s 11 October 2012 visit to Charlottesville. "If we truly care for each other's well-being, then we will experience more healing and more peace in this world; and a calm mind is essential for sustaining a healthy body. Seems like common sense, right? So how about we actually, y'know, make this stuff happen?" I'm with Dave... let's make this stuff happen! I'm pretty sure we’ve got to remember how to be quiet if we want to have calm minds. It’s a busy and loud world out there so if you need a little help dialing back the volume, I hope my 17 July 2012 blog post, Mindfulness and Meditation Made Manageable, is helpful.

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