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Balance Defined

5 March 2013

Allison read Balance? Don’t Believe the Hype by Cliff Oxford when several people sent it to her last week and found herself pondering what the word balance means to different people and why that definition matters.

Tags: allison read, balance, happiness

I teach a course called Choosing Balance and Leadership and often write about the topic so I wasn’t surprised when a lot of people emailed me a link to Cliff Oxford’s post in The New York Times blog, You’re the Boss: The Art of Running a Small Business on 27 February 2013. His closing sentence, “Balance is propaganda that sells well but is a cruel hoax that will continue to write tragedies,” might lead you to believe that I would find myself disagreeing with this author or at minimum feeling defensive that he tells fast-growth entrepreneurs to “Save your money, and don’t waste your time on the books and coaches who want to sell you advice.” Actually, I found myself agreeing with him on many points and am glad he’s bringing up one of the most important questions I ask participants in our course. How do you define balance?

The word balance conjures up a lot of reactions for people. Part of this is due to the fact that the while I always use the word balance by itself, the mainstream most often writes about work-life balance. (If you’re curious about the origins of the work-life balance movement, check out the Harvard Business School Industry and Background Note, An Introduction to Work-Life Balance.)

You’ll never hear me talking about work-life balance because that’s counter to the balance concept I support. (I have one life and work is an important part of it but certainly not outside of my life or counter to it.) I still use the word balance because it has more meaning to more people, but I’ve often toyed with switching to equilibrium, satisfaction, or integration (the state Oxford suggests entrepreneurs try to achieve). I especially like the point Matthew Kelly makes in his book, Off Balance: Getting Beyond the Work-Life Balance Myth to Personal and Professional Satisfaction. “Over the past three years I have asked more than ten thousand respondents, ‘If you had to choose between balance and satisfaction, which would you choose?’ Not a single responded chose balance over satisfaction.”

I share all of this to let you know that I actually heartily support what Oxford recommends in his blog post. He encourages entrepreneurs to make choices and get in touch with the values that drive them. He points out that Bill Gates didn’t get married until he was ready to step down from his position as Microsoft’s chief executive. (You might see that as Gates putting his life on hold, but it could also be framed as a healthy choice.)

Oxford thinks entrepreneurs can reasonably “…have an integrated life of work, family and health. How? Your dedication and outcomes of work, family and health are measured not by time but by consistency and commitment. For example, if you get home at 9 p.m., a couple of bedtime stories are better than being there all evening but checking your e-mail and making phone calls.” And he provides another great example, “…you cannot make all of your child’s softball games, because you will be texting and taking calls during the games. But you can attend half the games and leave your phone in the car.”

Here’s the thing. While Oxford claims to be anti-balance, these two examples are exactly the kinds of choices I try to help my clients make. I never know how they will define balance and I certainly don’t have an exact balance prescription where one size fits all. In fact, I think that’s how people get so dissatisfied. They want a quick fix and aren’t willing to do the hard work to own up to their values, the outcomes they want for all facets of their lives, what energizes and drains them, and the expectations other stakeholders have for them (think co-workers, family members, friends, and community members).

I’m very fortunate that my mother and her mother have always told me I could have almost all of what I want in my life but probably not all at the same time. I appreciate that they’ve helped me to realize I had to make choices and manage my expectations of myself and others so that I could feel satisfied more of the time. That’s my definition of balance. While I think Oxford and I might choose different words, I think we share a similar point of view.

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